micheleandtom.com

I have developed a mental image of our typical reader: a foul-mouthed, dirty-haired camper who drinks bad wine and keeps their pork chops in the fridge past the “use by” date. (In my head, he looks something like this gentleman here.) This reader profile, by the way, is courtesy of a Google Analytics report of search terms that lead poor unsuspecting Web surfers to micheleandtomdotcom like lambs, or perhaps pigs, to slaughter.

We are proud to announce that we are a front page Google search result for those worried about rancid pork! Search terms used are:

pork chop smell, pork smell, do pork chops smell, pork chops smell, pork chops smell bad, smelly pork chops, does pork smell, my fresh pork smells, pork chops naturally smell strong, pork chop smells, smell for pork chops, smell of pork chops, smell pork chop, smelly pork chop, what does bad pork chops smell like, when not to eat pork smell

The Web is not a medium where you can scratch & sniff & taste. But, that doesn’t stop our readers from trying:

wine tastes like dirt, dirt tasting wine, smells like dirt wine, this wine smells like?, what is another for dirt in wine, what kind of wine taste like dirt, when wine has a dirt smell, why wine smells like, wine that tastes like dirt, wines that taste like dirt

Are these nice Midwestern farm boys playing around on the computer? (I secretly find these searches kind of cute.)

swear like a sailor, sailors curse words, 6 sailor curse words, do you swear? like a sailor, how do you swear like a sailor, sailor curse words, sailor cuss words, sailor swear words, sailor’s curse words, sailors swear words, swear sailor, swear words sailor, what are the sailor cuss words

Dear “beauty industry,” appearance while camping is important. Maybe there is room for some product ideas here?

camping greasy hair, camping hair washing, hairwashing how to camping, how to look good camping hair, how to wash hair while camping, how to wash hair when camping, how to tame hair when camping, washing hair camping, washing hair while camping

Aside from the above searches that helped us reconstruct our average reader, there are many more one-off queries that left us stumped and/or entertained.

How did these Web surfers end up at our blog after entering these search terms?

• hunks in sweatpants (Not that Tom isn’t totally smokin’ in his sweats!)
• bowling jokes
• how much babies cost
• guy not there in the morning (Tell me about it sister!)
• interesting facts about marco polo
• camping walmart parking lots

What were these Google users really trying to find?

• Official mexican restaurant review. (Think about it…)
• compare and contrast three items
• lookout
• slow motion thief
• learned the hard way
• door slamming